Where the evil lies is in the fact that were are conditioned and programmed to internalise it so that we go through a life of self-loathing and self-hatred.

I have lived most of my life through this and now it is way, way, way too late for me to find happiness.

It is way, way, way too late for me to have any kind of successful transition. I will be what they said I was, when I was being punched in the solar plexus at age 8 because I was thought to be 'queer'; which is to say a 'freak' and an 'abomination'.

I so, so, so want to repay cishet society back for how they have scarred, wounded and mutiliate my life. Taken away the hope for love, intimacy and fullfilment.

I want revenge: I want it so much. They wrecked my life and now I want to recipricate the kind and thoughtful energy they put into wrecking my life.

I just don't know how to do it just yet...