Well - yes - so much like that! I think you've drawn out a very good analogy here, as it gives some indication, even though it is difficult to convey the full experience.

The thing that other people so often do not understand is that everything - and I mean everything - in society is geared up towards recognising being transgender as the very last resort. I looked for all sorts of 'explanations' going through life; I actually took on board the possibility of being 'gay', because that was all that was being thrown at me - I had internalised what was being said about me and came to believe it.

'Gay' was the only frame of reference when I was growing up and also, the boundaries between (before it was called this), of being gay or transgender were so blurred that they were often confused as one and the same thing.

The only difference is that in the hierarchy of perceived pathologies, being considered 'transgender' (even though there were other terms for it that I won't go into here), was considered even 'worse' than being gay.

Thanks for such a thoughtful, considered article. I know it must have taken considerable pain to write this for all of us to read.