Amelia Unchained
2 min readFeb 28, 2022


This whole dating milieu seems toxic and repellent. I never dated in my life and now, I'm way past eligibility to do so.

I seem to remember thinking of it as transactional, contrived and conformant to an overarching, dominant meta-narrative. I wasn't deemed attractive enough for dating by anyone, so there was a priori foreclosure that excluded me from being a participant.

Reading the article was interesting, as it laid out what 'both sides' could try to do to improve the situation.

What really disappoints (though to some extent, makes me feel more okay about being a dating reject), is the sheer amount of acrominy and hostility expressed in some of the comments below; this is all long before transition, which makes it even more of a minefield and danger zone.

The dating arena seems to be so toxified and damaging, that I'm amazed that there are people out there who are able to form meaningful relationships out of all the chaos, rancour and mutual recrimination.

Do I feel saddned and heartbroken for never being good enough? Well, yes, of course I do! What seems worse though, is that the only mechanism people really have for forming enduring, meaningful relationships is so utterly toxic, poisonous and ultimately, pointless.

Sometimes, in spite of the profound sense of personal loss that I feel for being marked down as unattractive and unworthy, I think that maybe I could have gotten off lightly by a). not feeling entitled to something I'm not entitled to and b). not investing emotionally in something that was bound to disappoint in the end.