I am indelibly and immutably demarcated as persona sexualis non-grata; I have always been this way and I think it is because I was sensed as 'different'. In those days, the slur du jour was 'gay', 'queer', or countless of its cognates, but now I know what it really is, what it really means.

It has certainly shaped me into becoming the person I have (and that is not a very pleasant spectre in the slightest), though it has also grounded me, enabled me to see people for who and what they really are.

I am about to throw my job away because I cannot return to how things were before lockdown; I don't have much in the way of reserves, so soon I'm going to be ruined.

I had the wonderful experience of being attracted to someone, only for them to weaponise my vulnerability and sensitivity to attack me, mobilising the sexually-virilised sycophants and other assorted high-school archetypes to make my position untenable. I did nothing to them, they just saw the chance to hurt and injure someone and seized the opportunity to satisfy their own appetites.

It is a shame that Slutty Niggiard chose to attack me for being too ugly to be attracted to her, but I do not see this as being my personal problem. I just need to find a way to even the score, somehow, some way. I fully intend to do so, as I have nothing to lose by doing so.

I definitely want to settle scores, but I have no viable means of doing so, without throwing everything away.